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Steven McGervey

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"No money is better spent than what is laid out for domestic satisfaction."- Samuel Johnson [Dec. 1st, 2009|11:11 pm]
[music |MST3K- "Gunslinger"]

Had a review at work today. And it was a kind of hollow win. I was told that I was doing very well, improving beyond the requirements of the job in 4 of 10 fields. And my boss had nothing but positive things to me. So it was a glowing review. And he freely admitted that he wanted to give me a raise...but. The damn but. I won't be getting a raise. The earliest I could get more money is in April of next year. I mean, it's good that I had a positive review, but is frustrating that I have improved in my job by leaps and bounds, becoming more skillful than some of the senior technicians. But I am still being paid at the rate I started at. I guess I should be thankful to have a job, and a solid date for at least getting my pay cut repealed (April of next year). It just that I am having trouble saving up enough money to do much of anything big.

Ok rant over.

I am trying to get people together for some fun in SF. I heard a radio program about the Exploritorium a while bak, and I really want to go again. Heck, even a day screwing around with friends in SF sounds fun. So Saturday the 12th, I am going to be BARTing into SF and hanging out. All are invited. Figure for meeting somewhere around 12 in the city, depending on the respondants. (I'm looking at you Liz).
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"Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day." - Nietzsche [Nov. 10th, 2009|10:52 pm]
[Current Location |Bed]
[mood | tired]
[music |Nonpoint- "Alive and Kicking"]

I can't sleep becuase I have to get up early in the morning. Makes a lot of sense, eh? To the substance:

1. I am trying to understand people by the questions they choose to ask. What a person asks can give some information, possibly more than an answer. A simple example is someone asking "How do I get to ___?" From this question you can get some information. The person does not the path to their location. The person is going to ____. The person likely does not have a map or other device. This includes a internet capable phone. So I am trying to pay greater attention to the questions being asked and why the questions may be asked.

2. I am considering calling off all attempts towards a relationship. I mean canceling an online dating account, ignoring cute women at bars, and only going out for my own amusement, rather than for the chance of meeting a woman. Part of me is tired of failed attempts. Part of me thinks that I should focus on more important things, and part of me wonders if a relationship will really bring any greater enjoyment into my life. I think that for now I will simply let my subscription to the online dating site run out and not go out to meet women.

3. I have been running in the morning. So far, I've been running around 2-3 weeks, running around 2 blocks. This distance is roughly half a mile. This is a recognition that I cannot go on a diet or start an exercise regimn. I need to change the way I live my life if I want to stop being fat. So I plan on running every morning for as long as I can wake up and run. I plan on eating far less for as long as I can deicede on my meals. I do not expect perfection. But I do expect to try every day to do theses things and not allow the day before to be an excuse for my behavior.

I'm sure that there was more, but I can't think of anything else.
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"You can't spell humorous with part of humanity"-Me [Sep. 6th, 2009|12:58 am]
[mood | amused]

Sitting drunk in a bar, I find the minor things that people do funny to no end. The woman discovering that there is a fan that is focused on one point of the floor is funny as all hell. Missing an easy shoot on the pool table is humorous. I find the varities of humans to be so incredibility funny.
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"Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad."- George Bernard Shaw [Aug. 10th, 2009|12:24 pm]
[Current Location |Work (A.K.A. Berkeley)]
[mood | contemplative]

Some triggers and what they cause:

The taste of cinniamon sugar poptarts recalls mornings during the summer spent munching on one while playing Star Wars Dark Forces on the computer, waiting for that flying ship to move off screen, signalling the end of the loading process. I was only allowed one, but since I was a latch-key kid from about 4th grade, who would know? My mother always knew, since I could never figure out that the poptarts were not replenished by magic. This bit me in the ass with sodas, baked cookies, and frozen cookies through much of my childhood. I think I've learned by now...maybe.

The smell of cigarettes brings to mind Helen, the old woman who lived next door to me. She smoked until the day she died. When I was in grade school, a time when summers off was a right instead of a privilage, I would go over to her house to talk with her, munch on her hard candy (always butterscotch) and listen to KCBS 740 AM. She taught me the proper way to ring a door bell: ring once, wait a four count, ring again, wait a four count, leave.

The taste of ice cream reminds me of Lord's Ice Cream, a small shop that was in downtown Livermore. I remember going there with my dad, and forever being forbidden from having bubblegum ice cream. Which of course made me want it more. My dad loved to go with us, because when we got to the car, he made his move. He would offer to hold our (my brother, myself, and any friends with us) ice cream cones while we buckled in. He would then proceed to charge a "seatbelt tax" of a lick of each cone.

The nostalgia of childhood comes not from a wonderful childhood, but rather a memory that renders many of it's moments wonderful.
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"Anger is an energy—so channel it!", Anonymous [Jul. 29th, 2009|11:09 pm]
[mood | recumbent]
[music |MST3K Presents Gorgo, Youtube]

So I gotta vent. It's been one of those days that everything just pisses you off. I won't go into details of every little thing. Instead I'll just bitch abou what's bugging me most.

I can't stand Michael Cera. I've never made it through a movie with him in it. In every movie he's in, he's some awkward guy who winds up getting more ass than James Bond. I couldn't stand him in Arrested Development (I couldn't stand the show anyways) and every time I've seen him act, it seems to be the same character. Kevin Cosner has a wider spread of characters. He always seems o be an awkward, quiet person who occasionally delivers a comdic line with little or no emotion. And now he's in some other movie that has ads popping up on Youtube. He seems to be the perfect example of the Hollywood fairy tale. Some total awkward character meets some girl who sees through the unpopular outer layer to see the swan under the ugly duckling crap.
I guess that is how most teen dramas are. No one would want to watch a story about how the unpopular kid stays unpopular and disliked. Teen dramas are all about that ugly duckling crap, and that seems to be a great deal of what Michael Cera has done.

I think I just really need an extended vacation. I've been working pretty solid for over a year now. The longest vacation I took was last October, and that was a week that I just hung around the house. I need to take the time to leave the Bay Area, maybe even California for a while and go be a tourist somewhere. I just feel like I don't have the money to do anything but work. I have less than $1000 in my savings, and I don't feel confident enough to spend that money on anything unless something goes south. I need to have around $250 in case I get in another accident, since that's the deductable for my insurance. I'm also worried about my job. I don't really think that I'm going to lose my job tomorrow, but at the same time I'm worried about what will happen if I do get fired. I think I just need to get over this fear of what may happen and do what I want to. For example, I'd love to spend some time in either Washington D.C. or New York I've never been farther east than Colorado, and there are plenty of places in either city I'd love to see. I'd love to go to London, Germany, so many places. But I've never took the time or money to go. I guess I just have to decide if I'm willing to run the risk by going to one of these places. I know that if I went, I'd go alone. I'm not worried about being mugged or anything, and I think it would be nice to be able to do what I want at my own pace.

OK, I feel less pissed now, so I'm going to bed.
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Long Time Away [Jul. 26th, 2009|02:01 am]
[mood | contemplative]

It's been a while since I posted, but I finally have something of a reason to post. I went on my first date since...uh...Davis I think. Anyways I meet someone online, and we had worked to the point of feeling comfortable enough to meet in person. So we had lunch today at Strings here in Livermore. I'm not sure how it when. I had fun, and I think she did as well, but I'm not sure if there was any attraction there. She's an impressive person, with a job that sounds very interesting with a good future. But she also sounds very busy. She infomred me that we were having lunch instead of dinner because she had a business appointment, a pool party, and poker night to got to today. This was at 2. She did invite me to her town (Turlock) next time. But no set time. After some thinking, it seems that she's kind of in the same mental place I am. There was no instant click, but we enjoyed our time together and so we'll meet again and see how it goes. I did give her a peck on the cheek as I walked her to her car. I'm not sure how that went over though. I guess we'll see.

OK, now for some deep philosophical thoughts...on second though I'll just close with this thought...I miss my puppy.
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"Many are willing to suffer for their art. Few are willing to learn to draw."- Simon Munnery [Jun. 18th, 2009|11:20 pm]
[mood | hot]
[music |Team Four Star Abridged Parody]

I'm feeling artsy. And hot. Um, temperature wise. Too hot to sleep right now, and haven't posted in a while.

One of the minor debates of my father's family has been settled. We would always wonder which grandson (out of 15) would be first to be married, and first to have a kid. I am the fourth oldest and my brother is the oldest. Turns out the fifth oldest is the first to be married. She is 23...I think. Somewhere around that. Anyways she's in the Navy and is the second oldest in her family. She has an older sister in the Navy as well. Honestly, I know almost nothing about the guy she's marrying, but if I don't know one of the people in a relationship, I just default to saying "as long as he/she makes you happy". That goes for this one as well.

I said I was feeling artsy, and to me, this is artsy. I've probably said it before, but I can't draw a straight line with a ruler and I've never advanced beyond stickmen. So writing is my way of being artsy. Basically I'm free flowing my thoughts, and doing only the most basic censoring. Like I'm censoring the joke I just thought of while censoring myself, partly because I can't figure out how to put it down in this form.

Um, on the area of life, there is not much new happening. I'm still working for Sharp, still getting paid pretty much what I started at due to the economy (supposedly), and I passed the one year mark on May 27th. I'm going up to Davis for Hope's shindig on Saturday. I'll probably be searching for a random piece of floor by the end of the night. But who knows.

I still have a broken Xbox 360 sitting in my room. I got it of eBay a while back and I haven't taken the time to figure out if I can get it fix and how much it will cost me. It worked for a few weeks after I got it, but it fell prey to the dreaded RED RING OF DEATH!!!!! *cue horror music* The more I think about it, the more I am willing to simply write it off as a one-time loss and see what I can get for it on eBay. I don't really miss it too much, somewhat on the same level as TV and movies. I see whatever I want to see online in the case of TV. In the case of movies, going to a movie alone is kinda pointless. And I don't really make the effort to meet up with people to see movies around here.
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Random Life [Jun. 7th, 2009|06:13 pm]
[music |Rammstein-"Keine Lust"]

It's been an odd couple of days. Just weird things have been happening. For example,

My 51 year old mother announced to me last Sunday that she was getting a breast augmentation the next day. She's not dating, and not disfigured. She just isn't happy with her breasts. And she disclosed all this to me.

Fast food places have stopped, or at least severely cut back, on offering larger size meals. Not necessarrily not serving larger sizes, but instead not suggesting a person get them. Since I eat out most days, it's something I've noticed. What I'm wondering if this is a sign of economic times, an increase in awareness concening obesity, or a combination of both?

Went to a bar last night, and I think that I prefer not seeing. When I wear glasses, I can choose if I can see or not. And I find it annoying to see people interacting at bars. It's not that I don't like going out with friends to bars, but rather I don't like the other people at the bars. Since the interactions between my friends and I at bars is mostly verbal, not being able to see is not a major problem. And if I do need to see, I can just put my glasses back on. It's similar to closing your eyes, although you don't get mistaken for being asleep or passed out.
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Virginity [May. 11th, 2009|07:50 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood | confused]
[music |3 Doors Down-"Be Like That"]

I was reading a comic refered to me and the topic of virginity came up. the female was speaking with her love interest. She managed to blurt out "I'm a virgin" at the same time the guy said "you want to be friends." The guy's response was "What? I mean, really? Great! What? What's the right answer?"

It got me thinking. Do you feel there is any sort of stigmata attached with virginity beyond a certain age, like some teen movie? Is there a time period within which it is OK to loose your virginity? Do you think virginity is a virtue, like something out of a fairy tale?

I know that there is a lower age limit for people to loose their virginity that is considered OK. That lower limit fluctuates from person to person and group to group, but it can be safely said to include the pre-teens. But what about an upper limit. I don't know about statistics, but beyond what age is it unusual to find someone who is a virgin? If someone looses their virginity outside of this bracket, is that something noteworthy? Should they be pitied, hated, or congratulated?

And some situations should be removed from consideration. Priests, nuns, and others who take vows of celbacy don't really count. Neither do victims of child rape and molestation. I am talking about people with a willingness to lose their virginity. Both previous categories fall outside of that classification.

Ok, enough defining, here's how I feel. Before high school, it is a sign of problems if a peron is not a virgin. Whether signs of abuse, future life difficulties, or a mental problem, a person who is not high-school age but is not a virgin faces more serious judgement and harsh criticism than a person of the same age who is a virgin. I believe that these people accordingly hide their lack of virginity from others.

Between the beginning of high school age and the end of the college age bracket is when I believe most people loose their virginity. These are years of growth, uncertainity, and unstable body and mental chemistry. People are trying new and enjoyable things, which obviously includes sex. These people do not hide their status of not being a virgin. It is generally accepted that a person is less and less likely to be a virgin as this stretch of time goes on. By the end of the period, it is generally assumed that a person is not a virgin.

After this period, people begin to "hide" the fact that they are still have their virginity. It becomes the opposite group who is now aware and "hiding" their status. I put hide in quotation marks because people do neccessarily lie about being a virgin, but they also don't volunteer the information. It becomes something similar to a minor disease. Not something to lie about, but also not something that comes up in conversation. I feel I know this last group best since it is the grouping I fall into.

I have lied about my virginity before. And I have told the truth. The better I know the person I am speaking with, the more likely I am not to lie about it. For example, most of my friends from college know I am a virgin. None of my coworkers do. I have also previously said things to my coworkers to purposely mislead them from that fact, mentioning non-exsistant ex-girlfriends. But if I were asked directly, I would tell them the truth.

Really this whole thing is that I don't know how I am supposed to feel about being a virgin. I don't know if I should consider it a simple state of being, a sign of virtue and patience (which I know it isn't), or a sign of a greater underlying problem that must be addressed.

As you probably can guess, I have a lot of time to think about these sort of things when driving from call to call at work.
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State of Life [Apr. 27th, 2009|10:49 pm]
[mood | busy]
[music |"Phantom Planet"-MST3K]

So I fell like venting my feelings. Not necessarily bad feelings, just how I feel.

I am wondering if I should try to get back onto some dating website. I was on eHarmony for a while, but nothing was really happening. I would send out messages to people, trying to be more outgoing, and got nothing in return. I guess online dating is even more hit-and-miss than real life dating (although I wouldn't know). The profiles are there, but the person that I try to comunicate with may not be a paying member, in which case they won't recieve my messages, and I won't know why they didn't respond. There is no way to tell the difference between a paying member, someone you can communicate with, and a non-paying member, someone you cannot communicate with. In addition, the number of "matches" allows people to be more picky...I think. Honestly, I only know that I attempted to contact some people, proceeding through the proscribed steps, and recieved no substantial response in months. Eventually I decided to save the money and leave the service.

The problem is that I'm not likely to meet people in my general day. I mostly encounter older women and men, and then only briefly as I work on their machines. And if I see them regularly, then something has gone wrong. Honestly, I've meet maybe 2 women while working on machines who I found attractive, and neither one was in the territory I usually work in. As for co-workers, I have some attractive ones, but being out in the field so much means that I am rarely in the office long enough to really interact with them.

I've been wearing my glasses exclusively for the past few days. My contacts were really bugging me, and glasses are much easier. The problem lies in that this perscription is rather old. Actually it predates my time at Davis. Yeah, that old. I have vision coverage, it's just a matter of finding the time. Well, its a matter of getting off my lazy ass and making an appointment.

There is a corelation between time and money. The more time you have to spend as you choose, the less money you have. And the opposite is true. In college, I had a good amount of free time, but not a whole lot of money. Now I have a goodly stock of money, but most days I am busy from morning till night.

OK, I'm done bitching.
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Stupidity, Magnified [Apr. 2nd, 2009|12:17 pm]
[Current Location |Oakland Federal Building]
[mood | annoyed]

I just walked out of the Federal Building in Oakland. As I was walking out, I passed two groups discussing the pros and cons of the Palestine-Isreal issue. The two groups were less than ten feet apart.

And they were issuing their arguements via megaphone.

That's right, I just passed people trying to have a constructive discussion with both sides using their own megaphones. I've said it before, I hate protests.
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Hostile Words [Mar. 25th, 2009|08:28 pm]
[music |Rescue Me on Hulu]

I discovered something interesting receintly. It bothers me more when someone uses a slur when actually refering to that particular group of people.

An example: A co-worker was describing a run in with a neighbor. He was talking about the gentleman, and he called him a fag. I'v heard that word used plenty of times. But when it is used to describe a homosexual, it bothers me.

But it doesn't seem to be only me. I was watching a show a while back, and one character called another a retard. A third character pointed out that he WAS a retard. Suddenly the first character was horrified and apologized.

It seems that people are more willing to throw around insults when they know the insults are not true. It is only truely hateful when someone calls a person an insult that they know is true. It's just odd.
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Life is like a crap sandwich! The more bread you got, the less crap you gotta take!- Crow on MST3K [Mar. 16th, 2009|10:54 pm]
[mood | amused]
[music |Random YouTube]

So I am really missing my 360 right now. I've been watching Rooster Teeth's Achievment Hunter on YouTube. Basically it's the same people who did Red Vs. Blue, only now they go through, find all the achievements for various games on the 360. They are showing various cool games on the 360, and now I want to get my geek on and play all these 360 games.

I forgot how much helping other people helps me to feel better. I encountered some woman in the parking lot of the mall that I go to. Why do I go to a mall? Because that's where the nearest Games Workshop is, the place where I play Warhammer 40k. Anyways, this woman was trying to roll up her window in her car, and somehow it had become knocked out of algnment. I offered to help her, and I guided the window while she rolled it up. I haven't really done womething of that nature for someone in a while. I help people all the time at work, but that is different. For one I am getting paid to help people at work, and for two, people expect me to help them while I'm working. I feel much better doing the sort of "Ta da! Just when you thought all hope was lost, I'm here to save your day!"

So in short, I want more money, and I like helping peoples
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"But habit is the great deadener."-Vladimir, "Waiting for Godot" [Mar. 15th, 2009|11:33 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood | apathetic]

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in the same fashion as Estragon and Vladimir in "Waiting for Godot". The days only change in the small details. Everything else stays the same. I need to try to figure out a way to change things up. The problem lies in finding what I can change that will help shake thngs up. I can't really think of anything that I'll be able to do before next weekend. I guess the only thing I can do until then is adopt my standard solution to these problem, ignore what I can't control.
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Good Day (not G'day mate) [Mar. 10th, 2009|09:00 pm]
[mood | cheerful]

Its been a rather good day. Usually I have "meh" days. Days that I look back on and I can't really rememe\ber anything of note.

I got through a good number of calls. I had enough work to keep me busy, and I solved most of the problems I encountered. With the volume of calls I've been getting, it seems that the level of work is starting to pick back up, a good sign.

The stock market gained a good deal today. This may be the beginning of a turn around for the economy. This increase in the stock market was across the board, triggering stocks to rise in Japan and Asia as well. I'm hoping for a recovery as much as anyone, since I do still fear for my job.

I won a game with my Tau in Warhammer 40k after work. I only recently started playing my Tau again. And considering that this is probably the third time I've won with my Tau since starting to play with them 2 years ago, I've got reason to be happy with a win.

It is also nice to read about how well everyone is doing. No matter what happens, it's nice to see greymattre's and instantamazon's doodles and wiredclover's cosplay projects. Even if I don't get much of a chance to see anyone from the old Davis group, I still am glad to find that everyone is continuing to do what they love.
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Bloody Caffeine [Mar. 2nd, 2009|12:00 am]
[Current Location |Bed]
[mood | awake]
[music |MST3K's "Tracks of the Moon Beast" on Youtube]

15 People Whose Brain You'd Love to Pick.

(1) List 15 people you would throw down a pile of cash to have dinner with.
(2) Include a note about who they are/what they do.
(3) Put all of them IN ORDER of your desire to meet them.
(4) Say what topic or question you'd want to cover during your conversation.
(5) Supply photos.

My 15 (well 10) Cuz I Can't Sleep )
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Weekend Update [Mar. 1st, 2009|06:19 pm]
[Current Location |Cheap folding chair]
[mood | contemplative]
[music |MST3K]

I had a three day weekend this week. It was rather odd. I received a call from my boss mid-afternoon on Thursday, asking me if I wanted to take a vacation day on Friday. I didn't have anything good reason to not do it, so I agreed to it.

My boss asked my to take this impromptu vacation because there was so little work to go around. That is something of a concern, since if the job stays slow, there is no reason to keep as many technicians on the payroll. While this is worrisome, there are 4 reasons why I'm not sweating a great deal.

1. I'm not the worst technician in the company, or even on my team. There is a person is assuredly a worse technician than I am. So if anyone goes, he'll go before me.

2. Tax season is approaching, which means the IRS will be increasing the use of their machines, and we have numerous machines at the various IRS offices, including machines at the federal building in Oakland, which happens to be my territory. So that should generate more work for myself and the other technicians on my team.

3. The state budget was finally passed, which means that the various state offices are no longer in limbo, and thus increasing their usage of machines. This is another source of work.

4. The Obama administration has passed a stimulus bill, and is giving every indication of spending large amounts of money on domestic projects. This means that federal, state, and local government offices will be increasing their workload, which is yet another source of possible copier problems that will keep me busy.

Right now, it's something of a race against time crossed with a waiting game. It's a race against time in the sense that the measures taken by the Obama administration are racing against the declining economy, trying to stop the slide of the economy (hopefully before I lose my job). At the same time, I can't control any of these factors, so all I can really do is wait. Whatever happens, it should prove interesting.
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Belated Weekend Update [Feb. 23rd, 2009|10:47 pm]
[mood | curious]
[music |Korn- "Coming Undone"]

I want to post, but nothing much has happened of late. I could talk about work, but in truth that's always a little hit and miss for interest.

There's a member of the state legislature that wants to legalize pot in California. The person, I think it's a woman representing SF, says that the legalization of pot will bring in vast sums of money into the economy and the state government. The interesting point for me is, pot is illegal federally. So can California even legally make pot legal? And if so, does it mean that pot will be banned from federal land, the inverse of casinos in California? I can't think of an instance of something being legal on the state level and illegal on the federal level. Would this mean that the DEA could bust you for possesion of MJ, but the CHP couldn't touch you? Just some food for thought.
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Weekend...ish Update [Feb. 16th, 2009|08:18 pm]
[Current Location |Bed]
[mood | sick]
[music |"MST3K's Hamlet"-YouTube]

Ok, so it's not technically the weekend, but whatever.

1. I'm sick. It kinda sucks that I am sick now, because I have to ead back to work tomorrow. There were so many people calling in sick on Friday that the management decided that from now on, an employee using a sick day the working day before or after a vacation day must bring in a doctor's note. I'm sick, but not sick enough to warrant a doc's note. So unless I take one hell of a nose-dive tonight, I'm going in to work tomorrow.

2. I was planning on going up to my mother's this weekend. This didn't happen for a very good reason. She lives in Hathaway Pines, a small community half way between Murphy's and Arnold on Highway 4. So she basically lives in the Sierra foothills. So by mid-week, she had a foot of snow on the ground. By the end of the weekend, it was 2 feet. This makes the trip a no go for three reasons. One, I don't own snow chains for my car. Two, I don't have any clothes suitable for snow. Three, I hate snow. Seriously, I really hate snow.
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Weekend Update [Feb. 8th, 2009|07:43 pm]
[Current Location |Da Big Bed]
[mood | aggravated]

I already had a distaste for protest before the begining of the new year. With all the flak that has come from the fatal shooting of the guy at the BART station, my job has been disrupted on a few occasions by the protests. Now I REALLY don't like protests or protestors. I have had to avoid certain areas of Oakland due to protesting, adding time to calls. I have had busiensses i frquent damaged by the protesting. And I have had pointless trips to Oakland PD stations. I couldn't get to machines I needed to inspect because everyone from the department was called to deal with the protests.

And the protests are continuing. The accused BART cop is in prison, awaiting trial, and still there are protests. It seems that the people protesting do not care about the cops rights. All they seem to want is for the cop to be stood up on the steps of Oakland City Hall, and have the mayor of Oakland blow his brains out.

Have I mentioned I don't like protests?

I understand the protests are a means of drawing attention to something, garnering support for some movement and increasing public awareness. But this is achieved in the same manner as a childs temper tantrum. Just as with an upset child, discussion is impossible. A protest cannot stop to consider alternate viewpoints. It simply makes a lot of noise, drowning out any other arguements but the one supported by the protesting group. A good example of this is found by watching two protests that are on opposite sides of the issue. What happens when the two groups meet? Is there rational discussion? Is there a respectful disagreement? No, there is a shouting match, and often police are forced to seperate the groups like parents seperating fighting siblings. This happened during the Prop 8 issue, the Israeli invasion of Gaza, and various other major political events. And I cannot rememeber a single though-provoking point or intelligent arguement that has come from a protest.

Ok, rant over.
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